Before this no one would ever have accused me of being a drama queen. Even though I have had a major tragedy in my life that would have totally warranted it, I managed to live through it gracefully by internalizing it.
Well, there were a few minor hick ups, but nothing like what is about to occur. No, the crazy that I am about to endure will completely pale by comparison because I am about to become a level ten egregiously promiscuous personality (simply put, a whore).
#THOT!
Okay, I may be exaggerating just a little, but I will be so full of drama and out of control that I won’t be able to recognize my own life. But I have been pushed to this point of no return, and it all stems from this very moment in time, this one single incident that has permanently changed my life forever and turned me inside out.
#NoMoreMissNiceGirl
I personally believe that my life has its own soundtrack. Of course it is only playing in my head, and right now the song that is on constant repeat is One Day you Will by Lady Antebellum. It is a sad, but hopeful tune that speaks to exactly where I am right now…. Somewhere deep down inside I know there is a silver lining to all that is happening all around me, and I know right now it’s not the way I feel, but one day I will- be okay that is.
I take in a heavy breath.
Lately I am finding it so hard to just keep breathing.
I think of the twenty-one years and some months that I have spent on this earth- because I am reflective and sentimental now. I think about everything, actually over think everything. Starting from the beginning with how I, Kelsey Anna Grace Aimes, was born at the University Of Florida Shands Hospital, smack dab in the middle of Gainesville, Florida –Gator Country.
My mother, Anna Grace Aimes was a graduate of the University, and she wrapped me up immediately in a baby blanket of Gator orange and blue. I still have that blanket and it comforts me, especially on days like this, days when I don’t want to go on, days when life seems so overwhelmingly painful that my heart just wants to give up and stop beating. My blanket gives me this special feeling of loyalty and dedication that is the Gator nation. My own personal support system at all times, good and bad.
The Gator nation is the most poignant thing I have left as a tribute and legacy to my mother, as she is no longer alive. She is now just my meaningless great tragedy of life, as she died senselessly saving others while my family was on spring break at the beach in Destin, Florida. She bravely jumped into the Gulf of Mexico to save two errant little girls, who refused to listen to their mother’s warning to stay out of the water and got swept away.
Yes, my mother who was an Olympic gold medalist in swimming caught a cramp in the water after rescuing the two little girls and pulling them safely to a lifeguard. Then from the way that it looked, she was stricken suddenly and just sank to the bottom of the Gulf and never resurfaced alive. All I could do at eight years old was stand on the beach and watch in horror.
I swear it is all so sad, but shit happens every day and people die even more frequently. At least that is how the world reacted once my mother was buried, and then expected me to act. So that is what I do on the outside, I grin and bear it. I suck it up and try to forget that it ever happened.
Fuck, I can’t do shit else to change it.
I have managed to find solace in that I was made in her beautiful image. We could have been twins from her pictures. —because I’ve got it all— her absolutely amazing body, long white gold blonde hair and the most striking ice blue eyes that could freeze fire, and I thank God every day that she was my beautiful mother (although I wish I could have gotten a little bit more of my father’s genes in the height department, but no one’s perfect). But, I am her living legacy, a Florida girl just like her, and as fate would have it, no, as my destiny has deemed fit to allow, I too was given the awesome opportunity of attending the University of Florida, just as she did.
This grand opportunity was not afforded to my two older brothers, Theodore and Philip, who are the epitome of my father. He was born in England and is a graduate of Oxford University and Harvard business school. While my father allowed my mother to live out her deepest desires in me, keeping me well immersed in all things Florida Gator’s, my older brothers, had no choice but to go the way of our father from their birth in London and still now today (They are both in respectable professions of my father’s choosing.)
Their lives have been solely based on my father’s rigid British upbringing of no coddling or real affection, superfluous over achievement and standards, without questions or comments in opposition. That is what they were born into and raised with and when they each reached the age of thirteen they were both shipped off to boarding school in England.
Only when it was my younger brother Philip’s turn he was joined by the man that I have been in love with ever since I gained the consciousness of the notion of amorous love, Michael W. Quinn!!!
I believe my father made the decision to pay for Michael’s tuition to join Philip at school solely because we had just lost our mother. She had only died a couple months earlier, just shy of Philip’s sojourn abroad. It was probably the only sympathetic action that my father has ever exuded towards either of my brothers. While our father doted and showered me with affection, he felt that boys required only stern direction from their father. So the loss of our mother was even worse on my brothers because they lost our mother’s tender loving affection.
But this is all about me, KELSEY… and the only thing that you need to know before I start this show is that I am a card carrying, orange and blue wearing, every day of my life, hands in the air, putting up the Gator chomp and whooping ass in the swamp, University of Florida, #GATOR FAN.
I am Gator Girl.
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