GAGGED AND BOUND 2
I’ve got a pair of trousers that were handed down to me by my father, and by his father before him, and by his father before him. I’m not going to pass them on to my son, though – they’re on their last legs now.
Why did the CEO make his staff wear roller blades? He wanted the company to run smoothly.
I cloned myself this morning and everything has gone wrong since. I guess I’m just having two of those days. How much marijuana did the town crier buy? Announce.
In Texas, over 70% of people cheat on their partners, and 50% of them regret it. It’s a sorry state of affairs.
I was in a clothes shop with my son, who needed some new shorts. He tried on some yellowy green ones and said, ‘Dad! Look at these! Don’t I look great?’ I said, ‘Son, don’t get khaki.’
What did Pac-Man do after his successful ransom attempt? He gave up the ghost.
I left a dark grey Post-it on the fridge for my wife with the words, ‘I’ve left you.’ On a lighter note, I wrote, ‘I’m only joking.’
I just read a book of ‘A man goes into a bar’ gags. I didn’t find it funny at all – it was full of inn jokes.
Why don’t attractive Spanish people use umbrellas? Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
My friend rushed up to me, shouting, ‘100 metres in 9.2 seconds! 100 metres in 9.2 seconds! 100 metres in 9.2 seconds!’ I said, ‘You sound like a broken record.’
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